Breakthrough is a word I have heard a lot. It is a hopeful word that carries a weighty promise. I have been waiting and hoping for some sort of breakthrough. Evidenced by my ability to heal the sick or bring sight to the blind, prophesy, do miracles. The silly thing is and what brings me to my thought; I am not praying with blind people or sick people (really sick people).
My heart is so heavy. Today a man was waiting at the gas station we pulled into. Clearly he was waiting for a ride. I watched as a light came on behind his eyes when he saw my enormous truck pull into the station. I knew he was going to ask us for a ride. He walked over to our truck and as one, two, and three little heads bobbed out from behind the front seats he walked off. There wasn't room. He wasn't getting a ride, we were NOT what he had been waiting for. But, there probably was room, my truck is big enough for one more child or strange man waiting for something he won't find likely.
I am! "I am" is always what we are looking for. He is everything we need; He Is. With all that presence living in me I must be what people are waiting for. This is the point where I realize why I am, still waiting for breakthrough. I fondled the five dollars in my pocket and thought about asking him if I could help him with something. Then I watched as a man walked right by him ignoring his muddled request for a ride.
What is it about our culture. I know it sounds like I am blame shifting here. I'm not, I totally blew an opportunity to be Jesus to some one. No, to 3 little children, myself, my husband, and to the old man standing, probably sore and tiered; waiting. Anyway, why are we so isolated, safe, and clean? I am starting to look grotesquely like this culture I am surrounded by. I could sterilize myself and my children to death. That is a good point. We are becoming a sterile society. I am becoming sterile. Life ought to beget life. I ought to perpetuate what is in me. I am increasingly disgusted by greasy hair smudges on walls and couches in public places, apparently I am also repulsed by the filthy furniture I saw at a second hand store, sweat and snot, yuck...
I really need break through. I need a heart of flesh in place of a heart of stone. I need love and with love the courage to be more than just inspired.
